


The weakness I feel (I must finally show)

by Rayaaa



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Written before season 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-17
Updated: 2015-02-17
Packaged: 2018-03-13 12:19:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3381257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rayaaa/pseuds/Rayaaa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was a calm Saturday morning until Felicity got a phone call that made her flee from the foundry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The weakness I feel (I must finally show)

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this in my drafts since June last year, which is the reason why some thing are not like they are in the show. I borrowed the title from a Mumford and Sons song (Awake My Soul).
> 
> Any mistakes are mine!

It was a calm Saturday morning. Team Arrow (now, including Laurel, who still looked at Felicity like she was some kind of a rivalry for Oliver’s attention), were gathered at their new foundry, waiting for something to happen. Oliver and Laurel were at one of the tables, talking quietly about something. Felicity and Diggle were sitting at the computer station, looking over the search results. Diggle’s phone vibrated for the fourth time in twenty minutes and Felicity sighed.

 

“Just go home, Dig. Everything seems to be fine here.” Diggle looked like he was about to say something but just shook his head. “You deserve to spend some time with your family. They need you too.” They stood up and Felicity watched him put his jacket on. “Kiss Lyla and baby Steve from me, will you?”

 

“Of course, Felicity.” Diggle looked around the foundry, his eyes stopping for a moment on Laurel and Oliver. “Why don’t you come with me? Lyla will be very happy to see you. I know Steve will be happy to see his favourite aunt.” Felicity smiled at him and shook her head.

 

“Nah. I think the three of you could use some ‘family’ time. I’ll be fine, don’t worry.” She stood on her toes and kissed his cheek. “Go, Dig. I’m sure that if there’s some kind of an emergency Oliver and Roy will be able to take care of it.” Sighing one last time, Diggle kissed Felicity on her forehead and turned towards the exit.

 

“Take tomorrow off too, Dig. Spend more time with them.” Oliver said loudly, finally looking at them. Felicity rolled her eyes and sat back in her chair.

 

“Thanks man. But if something big comes up…”

  
“We’ll make sure to call you. Bye, Dig.” A few minutes after his exit the only noise that could be heard in the foundry was Felicity’s fingers flying across the keyboard. Oliver sighed deeply as he looked at the back of her head. Ever since Laurel started showing up at the foundry things changed between them. She acted more like ‘Queen Consolidated’ Felicity, not his Felicity. It bugged him because he knew what she was doing. She was distancing herself from him, trying to give him a chance to renew things Laurel. Even if he knew she was not the one he wanted.

 

“Ollie? Are you even listening to me?” Laurel asked and took one of his hands in hers. He could’ve sworn he heard Felicity snore at the nickname. Pulling out his hand, Oliver scoffed.

 

“I need a break.” Standing up, he approached Roy, thinking that he’ll train with him, but as soon as the kid saw him he walked towards Felicity. Oliver sighed and started punching the dummy as hard as he could.

 

“What brings you to ‘Hacker Island’?” Roy lifted his eyebrows and Felicity laughed quietly. “What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing, it’s just…” Getting closer to Felicity he whispered his concerns to her. “I don’t really trust Laurel. She loved him, then she hated him, then she loved his best friend and now she loves him again? I just don’t understand.” He explained quickly. “Do you trust her?” Felicity lifted her eyebrows and quickly looked at the other woman.

 

“Not really. But I trust Oliver.” Roy scoffed and shook his head. She was about to say something else when her phone started ringing. She lifted her eyebrows in surprise at the name on the screen.

 

“Who is it?” Roy asked loudly and Laurel looked curiously at them.

 

“A friend.” She waited five more seconds before she answered, which finally brought Oliver’s attention on her. “Jean?”

 

 _“Aunty Licity?”_ The young, terrified voice on the other end made Felicity froze in her place.

 

“Ian? Ian, baby, what’s wrong?” She tried to not sound panicked, thinking that it will only scare the child. Ian was the son of one of her closest friends. Felicity loved him like he was her nephew.

 

 _“I… Mom was yelling… at… me and I… I ran away.”_ Oliver saw the fear in her eyes and immediately stopped his movements.

 

“It’s okay, sweetie. Calm down. Can you tell me where you are?”

  
_“I don’t know. I… I’m scared!”_

 

“It’s okay, baby, it’s okay. Just don’t hang up, okay? Talk to me.” She tried to calm her hand from shaking so much as she started the tracing program. “Ian? You still there, sweetie?”

 

 _“Yes. Are you coming to get me?”_ Looking at the screen Felicity cursed in her mind.

 

“Yes. Yes, baby, I’m coming to get you.” Twenty seconds later she finally find out where he was and she jumped out of her seat. “Stay on the phone, sweetie, okay?” She grabbed her bag and emptied it on the desk in search for her keys. As soon as she found them she ran towards the door, not looking back. Oliver stared at the computer for another ten seconds before he decided to follow her and make sure everything was okay. He grabbed his t-shirt, quickly putted it on and grabbed the keys for his bike.

 

“Roy, trace her signal and tell me where she’s going.” Roy nodded and sat on her chair.

 

“Ollie, we’re not done with our talk!” Laurel voiced, obviously not liking the fact that Oliver was ready to go after Felicity without a second thought. The look he send her over his shoulder made her tremble with fear.

 

“Yes, we are. Stop being so selfish, Laurel.” Oliver quickly climbed the stairs. Turning his comm on, he placed it in his ear and put his helmet on. “Talk to me, Roy.”

 

Oliver followed the kid’s directions and drove on. He couldn’t help but wonder who exactly was Ian. Felicity had never talked about him. She didn’t talk about her personal life that much and it made him frown. ‘What personal life?’ Oliver thought and sighed. Between the work at QC and their other job she was probably too exhausted to go out and have fun. He made a mental note to at least try to convince her to take some nights off. Oliver was almost one hundred percent sure she wouldn’t listen to him.

 

_“You’re almost there, boss. Turn to the right. She should be right in front of you.”_

 

“Got it.” Just as he took the turn Oliver saw her parking her car. He quickly moved his bike and pulled his helmet off. He knew she saw him but she didn’t paid attention to him. She was looking around frantically, desperately trying to find someone.

 

“Aunty Licity!” Oliver heard a weak voice call her name and he immediately noticed Felicity releasing a deep breath. She ran towards a boy that couldn’t be more than six years old and dropped on her knees, pulling him into a hug.

 

“Oh, Ian. It’s okay. I’m here. I’m here, baby, shh.” Oliver approached them slowly, watching Felicity’s face carefully. He’d never seen her so scared. When she opened her eyes and looked at him, Oliver had to take a deep breath in, feeling his chest tighten. He never, never wanted to see this look in her eyes again. Ever. Felicity pulled herself away from the boy and grabbed his face in her hands. “Ian, what happened? Why did you ran off?” Felicity sat on the grass, not even caring about her very expensive dress. The boy looked suspiciously at Oliver. “That’s Oliver. He’s my friend.” Oliver smiled at the boy and crouched down too. Taking a deep breath the boy started talking.

 

“I was alone at home and wanted a glass of milk and the glass slipped from my hand and it broke and there was milk everywhere… Mom got home and she saw it and she started yelling. And she wouldn’t stop and when she got into the bathroom I grabbed her phone, got out and started running. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” The boy started crying again and Felicity pulled him into another hug. She closed her eyes and kissed the boy’s head. Oliver could feel the fear and sadness reel of her. “I miss dad.” He heard the quiet whisper and he froze. He saw Felicity’s hands tighten around the boy. “Why did it have to happen? Why did the earthquake had to kill my dad?”

 

Everything stopped. Oliver took a deep breath as he saw the tears in Felicity’s eyes. The earthquake. The Undertaking. The Undertaking was the reason this little, innocent boy lost his dad. He couldn’t be more than four years old when it happened. Felicity whispered a broken “I don’t know” and she picked boy in her arms, gently rocking his body. After ten minutes the boy quieted down and Oliver noticed that his eyes were closed. Felicity took a few deep breaths and looked at him.

 

“I’ll pick him up, you open the car door.” She whispered. Oliver nodded and quickly mover to her car.

 

“Where will you take him?”

 

“Back to his mother.”

 

“I’ll drive. You stay in the back with him.” Felicity nodded but she remembered something else.

 

“Oliver, what about your bike?” He just shook his head.

 

“Not important.”

 

*****

 

After they left the boy with his mother, Oliver asked Felicity if she wanted him to drive her back to her apartment but she insisted on going back to the lair. They drove in silence and Oliver couldn’t help but notice the unshed tears in her eyes. He knew better than to speak up but he also knew that she had to talk to someone about this. He parked the car in front of the back entrance to their new foundry and waited for her to get out but she didn’t move. Oliver turned his head to face her and he saw that her whole body was shaking.

 

“Felicity…” He whispered and she cried out loud. Oliver quickly undid their seat belts and pulled her in for a hug. Burying her face in his shoulder, Felicity wrapped her hands around his waist and cried out:

  
“It’s my fault. It’s my fault. It’s all my fault.” Oliver closed his eyes and his arms tightened around her. “I should’ve known… I should’ve known Merlyn had a back-up plan. I should’ve known… He’s dead. Mark is dead because of me. He won’t be able to see Ian grow up. He won’t… they could’ve had more children. They planned it… And now… they won’t… Because of me.” Oliver felt his heart clench and his grip on her tightened.

 

She’s not supposed to feel this way. She’s not supposed to have her soul eaten by pain and guilt. She’s supposed to be happy. She’s supposed to be smiling, in front of her computers, proud that she did something no one else has ever done. She shouldn't be in this place. And it was his fault.

 

He’s the one that brought her into this. He’s the one that kept going to her making stupid excuses. He’s the one that found her car and made her drive him to the foundry. He’s the reason the darkness found it’s way into her soul.

 

“There was no way you could have known, Felicity.” He whispered, trying to convince her and himself that it was true. His words only made her shake her head harder.

 

“I should’ve!” She screamed and pulled herself from him. “I’m the smart one, Oliver! I should’ve looked even deeper into it. If I had…But I didn’t and Mark died. Tommy died. Another five hundred and one people died.” Oliver pulled himself away from her sharply and grabbed her face.

 

“No, Felicity. I want you to listen to me. The Undertaking was not your fault. It wasn’t.” He stopped for a second and brushed the tears of her cheeks. “I kept blaming myself for it but the truth is that it wasn’t my fault either. It wasn’t my fault and it most definitely wasn’t yours. It was Malcolm Merlyn. And my parents. And all the other people in their little group. They are the guilty ones. Not us. We did the best we could that night. If it wasn’t for you, Felicity, more than half of the people in the Glades would've died, Ian and his mom too. If it wasn’t for you they would’ve been dead. You saved so many people that night. We all did.” His words brought a new wave of tears and he just pulled her closer to him.

 

Felicity knew how important his words were. Right after the Undertaking, Oliver felt so guilty he ran away. He ran away to the place he was once trying to escape, to his personal hell. For him to say the things he just did, it meant that he was finally starting to see the good they did, not only the bad. And if he could stop blaming himself, she should be able to do it too, right?

 

They stayed like this for another ten minutes and when Oliver glanced down he saw she’d fallen fast asleep. Sighing, he pulled her away from him gently and took his phone out. He quickly texted Roy to bring her things outside. A few seconds later, instead of Roy’s red hoodie, Oliver saw Laurel’s green dress and he sighed quietly. She made him a sign with her hand and he sighed even deeper. Looking at Felicity, Oliver gently removed himself from her and he slowly moved her body towards her seat. He left the car as quietly as he could and walked towards Laurel quickly.

 

“What, Laurel?” He asked, making sure his voice was a bit harsher than necessary. She smiled, acting like she didn’t noticed his tone.

 

“I was thinking that maybe you can leave Roy to drive Felicity home and we can go and have lunch together.” Roy came out of the foundry just as she finished talking. Seeing the look on Oliver’s face, he left Felicity’s bag in the car and quickly walked back in the foundry, not saying a word.

 

“What do you want from me, Laurel?” Oliver sighed and Laurel frowned. “Do you think that just because you know my secret we can be together again? It can’t happen again, Laurel.” Laurel opened her mouth to say something but Oliver lifted one of his hands to stop her. “I really loved you. Before the island, on the island, even after I came back… But not anymore. I’m sorry but that’s the truth.” Laurel looked at him, tears starting to form in her eyes.

 

“Are you in love with her?” She whispered quietly. Oliver looked at Felicity and one of the corner of his lips twitched up. Looking back at Laurel, Oliver nodded firmly, finally confirming to himself too that he was, indeed, in love with Felicity. Laurel took a deep breath and nodded at him. She turned around and walked back into the foundry. Sighing, Oliver got back to the car. He closed the door as silently as he could, started the engine and started driving towards Felicity’s place.

 

*****

 

Felicity woke up just as he was parking in front of her apartment building.

 

“We were supposed to be at the foundry. Someone has to keep an eye on everything.” Felicity said quietly and frowned.

 

“You need some time off, Felicity. Roy will be on watch duty for a few hours.” Felicity sighed, took off her glasses and rubbed her forehead. “You okay?” Oliver asked, worried.

 

“Yeah, it’s just…” She sighed and shook her head slightly. “He doesn’t deserve to grow up without a father. No one does.” Felicity whispered and turned her head to look through the side window. “I… I do actually realize that it’s not my fault. I know that we did everything we could to stop the Undertaking. But that does not make the guilt go away.” She said quietly and put her glasses back on. “Will it ever go away?” She asked quietly and looked at him.

 

“I don’t know.” Oliver said quietly and took one of her hands in his own. “I hope it does. You deserve better and I am so sorry for dragging you into all of this.” Felicity looked at him and smiled sadly.

 

“I chose to stay.” She whispered and put her hand on his cheek, Oliver immediately leaning into it. “I could’ve left a long ago but I chose to stay. Because I believe in what we do and I believe in you.” Before he could stop himself Oliver leaned in and caught her lips with his own gently. After what felt like hours he pulled himself and saw Felicity staring at him, her eyes wide open.

 

“Felicity, I’m… I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. I…” He was interrupted when Felicity kissed him again.

 

“It’s okay. What about Laurel, though? I thought that you two were…”

  
  
“No.” Oliver said firmly and shook his head. “I loved her. I really did. But not anymore. I haven’t been in love with her for a while now.”

 

“Oh… Okay.” She said quietly and kissed him again. “You should go and check on Roy. I think he’s been feeling down lately, not sure why. You should check on him.”

 

“Okay. Can I borrow your car? I forgot my wallet and I don’t have money for a cab…” Felicity chuckled and Oliver lifted one of his eyebrows.

 

“I’m sorry, it’s just… You’re Oliver Queen, the billionaire, and you want to borrow my Mini because you don’t have cash…” She said quickly and chuckled again. Oliver just shook his head and started the engine.

 

“You sure you’re gonna be okay?” Felicity looked around and nodded.

 

“Yeah. Yeah, I’ll be fine. See you later?” When Oliver nodded, Felicity kissed him softly on his cheek and got out of her car.

  
Yes, there was still guilt. And Felicity doubted that it will go away anytime soon. But maybe, with Oliver by her side, it wouldn't hurt as much as it did now.  


End file.
